Hello all!
Watch out, I'm about to get real here.
Growing up, I didn't find a whole lot of meaning in casual conversation or casual friends; I always wanted deep and powerful relationships that were open and honest no matter what. As a 3rd grader, you can imagine how many friends I had thinking like that (the answer is very few). Part of me looks back on those years and how it has shaped me today into a slightly fearful and apprehensive yet appreciative friend. More and more, I push myself out of that thinking that there will be few friends I actually connect with and go along with people to their outings, adventures, or hangouts.
I'm sure a majority of young-adults do these types of things - go swimming, go to birthdays, go to lunch with groups of friends - but for me it has been anything but normal and has taken a lot of effort on my part to believe that people don't mind, and perhaps enjoy [GASP] my company.
Most of the people I hang out with now are from church and they are loving and kind and just all sorts of fun. I was speaking to one of them at college group on Sunday about the default of our minds to go back to what we know and what we're used to. For me, that is that:
1. People will leave me
2. Most people don't really care beyond small talk
3. I am probably annoying to people and they hanging out with me/inviting me places out of pity.
But Jesus:
1. Never will leave me. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
2. Always wants to hear about my deepest thoughts, burdens, and worries. (1 Peter 5:7, Psalms 55:22)
3. Isn't annoyed with me. (Galatians 5:22-23, Psalms 103:8)
Overwhelming isn't it?
It's easy to read those verses and accept those things with our minds but accepting it in our hearts is a whole different story. The three negative things I feel the most are:
Fear
Worthlessness
Inadequacy
And those are NOT from God. Those are things of this world, that try to tear us from God every single day. How could I feel worth God's love? How could I really be forgiven when I still do so much wrong? How does God overlook my past? How does God wait for me when I drift apart from him?
For me, it's an everyday decision to learn to accept that someone cared about me so much that he sent His son to pay the ultimate price for us. Again, hard truth to swallow but it starts there. The love Jesus has for us is unworldly. It is beyond comprehension and beyond understanding. It's okay to struggle and wrestle with feeling like you're nothing. It's not okay to accept that.
No matter what you do or did, Jesus still loves you. There is nothing you can do to win your salvation as it is a gift we have been given through grace by faith when we first believed (Ephesians 2:8-9). That means there's no point system for every time you pull out your bible and study or go to church. There's no "good boy" pat on the head for leading a pure life. There's no comparing you to that guy who sits by you at church who seemingly has his whole Bible highlighted and can quote scripture at the drop of a hat. There's you and your relationship with God.
So what I'm getting at is I challenge you to accept yourself where you are, broken and human, and to accept that Jesus loves you regardless.
It is a transformative love.
It breaks down fear, it destroys hate, and it opens your heart to accepting love in all areas of your life, including your walk on the earth.
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Anyone out there that's reading this saying, "yep, sounds familiar," I encourage you to remind yourself of the grace of God. Pray and ask for God to break down the walls in your heart in your specific situation. When we learn to accept His love we learn to accept love in all forms. I have seen my relationships change, I have experienced my thoughts shift, I have loved and been given love like never before. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's hard work. YES it's worth it.
Or maybe it's never been difficult to accept that people like or love you. Maybe you grew up quite popular and well liked and the thought, "I am so terribly annoying and horrible everyone must be pretending to like me," didn't bounce around in your head too often. For you people, I encourage you to pray for those who are without the confidence and boldness to fully accept love and Christ's love. I pray that you are always humble in your love and give it freely expecting nothing in return.
And for everyone, I pray that we always give love openly and unabashedly. I pray that we will be transformed by the truth and light that is Jesus Christ. I pray that our relationships be renewed and strengthened and we can recognize needs in our communities. Jesus, I thank you for the opportunities you give us to learn and love. I pray to never take lightly the real hope we have because of you. Thank you for giving us the ultimate gift! Amen.
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